back to work

last tuesday was my first day back to work after five months {so nice!} of maternity leave. it wasnt as hard as i imagined it to be. i cried the day before in anticipation of leaving Scarlett, but not when i actually left. i was pleasantly surprised by how the day went.

i think i was so nervous because i was dreading returning to the worst of the worst days of work. and in recent memory, those days were baa-aad {solely due to pregnancy}. i even laughed to myself on the drive that, wow, this is the first time in over a year that i've driven to work without feeling like absolute crap-o-la. i kind of forgot what it feels like to not feel like i'm going to barf all over town as soon as i get in the car. or like my head is spinning. or like i need to pull over to pee on the side of the road. or like i have to basically lay horizontal low rider style while driving so i can breathe. the drive was relaxing and i even got to work a little early! 

the first day was like the first day back at school except i was only one who left for summer break. i even packed my lunch and laid out my scrubs the night before! i felt popular and like sally field winning her second oscar, "you like me, you really like me!" with lots of high pitched hellos, how are yous, so good to see yous from excited co-workers.

i was a babbling fool all day. anyone and everyone who so much as glanced my direction from the attending physicians to the housekeeping staff were immediately informed, "today is my first day back from maternity leave! yes, a girl! her name is Scarlett! of course i have pictures!" with a too loud proud mamma voice and obscene toothy grin while shoving my iphone in their face; fave pics of baby S cued up.

i was sooo nervous about actually working because i was convinced i had lost all brain connectivity and the ability to think quickly for my patients. thankfully for me, i had an "easy assignment." thankfully for my patients, i surprised myself and remembered how to be a nurse. phew!

i wasn't too ocd with the babysitter either. i restricted myself to one text to check in with her. the hubs, however, may have gotten upwards of 50. but he already knows i'm crazy and i can't afford to scare the sitter away yet.

all in all, the day was almost empowering. like, hey, i can do this.  and of course, Scarlett is still alive and well, so that's a major plus. this isn't so horrific. i'm a working mom! si se puede!